toolbox

I feel like I've got a giant woodshop with more tools and resources and materials than I could ever use - and yet I have no clear direction of WHAT I am meant to be building.

Its frustrating.

TRUTH

FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER - frank herbert

the way it might be

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"It is true that two men can lift a bigger stone than one man. A group can build automobiles quicker and better than one man, and bread from a huge factory is cheaper and more uniform. When our food and clothing and housing all are born in the complication of mass production, mass method is bound to get into our thinking and to eliminate all other thinking. In our time mass or collective production has entered our economics, our politics, and even our religion, so that some nations have substituted the idea collective for the idea God. This in my time is the danger. There is great tension in the world, tension toward a breaking point, and men are unhappy and confused.

"At such a time it seems natural and good to me to ask myself these questions. What do I believe in? What must I fight for and what must I fight against?

"Our species is the only creative species, and it has only one creative instrument, the individual mind and spirit of a man. Nothing was ever created by two men. There are no good collaborations, whether in music, in art, in poetry, in mathematics, in philosophy. Once the miracle of creation has taken place, the group can build and extend it, but the group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a man."

- John Steinbeck, East of Eden

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reclaimation

Taking perspective from a day almost lost.

Today was gorgeous and I spent most of it in anger. I was coerced into a time consuming & unnecessary favor. I don't know that ditching it would've been the right thing. I was actually gratified afterwards. But still the feelings of aggravation hadn't subsided. I almost ran over a sassy pedestrian.

looking back. I've made no progress on my life choices struggle. Map my progress: I'm at the same y-coordinate I've been for the past year... despite the accumulated episodes of struggling with it. But I suppose that counts for something. A greater x-value; or rather, let's make that a 3-d vector map & quantify the quality use of the time. haha. Time is a constant and I'd like to demonstrate that I did more than exist.

Regardless.

It's difficult to fight when your obstacles are abstract.

Napoleon didn't sleep

make your life what you want.

television is a drain.

shine

trying to learn HTML and CSS

"the web was invented around 1990 by Tim Berners-Lee with Robert Cailliau as a close ally"...

what is best

There are only two categories of admirable battles in this world:

1. to right wrongs

2. to achieve betterment

okay. duh.

but.

if you reduce 'what is effectively happening' with your every action, or your job, or your expenses ... you better see that they fall into one of these two categories.

If they don't... then your actions are A. evil or B. indifferent (and therefore a waste - which I would argue is evil (n.b. seemingly neutral actions are generally in keeping with larger goals)

I no longer believe in the mantra "oh its not a question of right and wrong, but just different". I don't believe this in art. I don't believe this in "life". I believe things (art, actions, music, laws, relationships, etc.) in their atomic form (but as they relate to their surroundings) must either be contributing "good" or correcting "bad" in order to be Good. And some things turn out Bad. I'm not sure whether webs of things can be measured in this way. Consider that the back-to-nature movement might be equally contributing betterment same as Apple...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE... I'm currently stuck in this quicksand....which may turn into an oasis... or maybe I should just let my parents yank me out and swing me home